The summer didn't go the way I thought or hoped it would. Now the fall isn't going the way I thought it would.
This has lead me to question why I participate in gaming. Is it really fun? Is it what I want to do? Is this how I want to spend my free time? Do I really enjoy rpgs or do I just like hanging out with my peers? Would I prefer a tactical combat rps (Pathfinder) or a cinematic story (Vampire) or a rules-light hackfest (OSR), maybe a miniatures combat game (BattleTech) or a ccg (Magic) or a non-ccg (Dominion)? Would I gleen more satisfaction from watching football on any given Sunday?
I cannot answer these questions with any confidence. About the only thing I can say with any certainty is that I know that the kinds of games I run is the kinds of games I'd like to be playing in. Which makes the question my wife (a licensed massage therapist) posed this weekend more interesting: "how can I feel my own massage to figure out if I'm doing a good job?" She can't ever experience her own massage and I can't ever experience my own campaign. All we can really do is ask for feedback from those we respect/trust to give us honest evaluations. We can "sample" little bits of our work - working a forearm/leg, recording a game session; we can never experience the full thing.
So back to the original question - what to do?
Maybe I'll just go hide behind grad school till I figure things out.