Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Quotes and Notes

I've been thinking back over some of the best at-the-table quotes from the numerous groups I've played with.  Thought I'd share a few:

DM: "You feel kinda funny."
Player (Husband of DM, mage): "Like ha-ha funny?"
Dm: "No, like you lost a level funny."

Player (standing on the back of a ship in middle of the ocean, druid): "If you are going to jump, jump now."  Proceeds to throw an entire necklace of fireballs at his feet.

Player (fighter): "They never put minotaurs on the first level of dungeon."

Player (mage): "I am unkillable."
DM: "Roll a save vs. death, you'll need a 20."
Player rolls - 20.
DM: "Damn you."

Other players around the table: "Why are knocking the lizardmen back into the water?!?!?!"
Player (druid): "And now, the dire shark."

Players (4 in horrible Scottish accents) in unison: "BEER!!!! and PICKLES!?!?!"

Player (paladin): "I take off all my armor and stand in the middle of the road waiting on the giants."

Player (druid): "How come I can't talk to the ogre about joining us before he attacks?"

Player (paladin to town guard): "Don't you know who I am?  Can't you see I'm wearing the hat!"

Player (monk): "Forget the stick, use the kick."

DM: "What's your AC?"
Player (fighter): "-8"
DM: "Bullshit, let me see your character sheet.  Plate +(inaudible), Shield +(inaudible), +Dex bonus and magic buff - shit, ok."

Player (berserker): "I challenge the hobgoblin chief to a one-on-one battle for leadership of the tribe."
DM: "Ok, he's about 4 levels higher than you."
Player: "Oh well."
Several dice rolls later...
Player: "My army is now at your service fellow adventurers."

Players: "Wait, we're level 3, that's a beholder."
DM: "Some of you should survive the encounter."

More to come as I remember them.

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